conversations on creating your life

HOW TO BLOOM from the inside out

the love that made me January 6, 2011

Filed under: Uncategorized — Tyler Hayes @ 2:08 pm
Köln cathedral

Image via Wikipedia

There is a church in down town Franklin with my birth date carved into one of the stain glass windows.  It is not my window.  The glass is actually very old, but because it has my birth date on it, I have given it special meaning.  They never lock the doors.  Anyone can come in at any time of day.  When the world becomes loud and big, I go there.  I sit in the stillness.  Most of the time I’m alone.  Occasionally another seeker will come into the small chapel, genuflect before slipping into a pew to pray.  We never speak to each other, only in contemplative silent prayer do we sit, knowing we are both asking for the same thing….closure.   I don’t mean the ending of something, but rather the settling of it, the acceptance.  We come to the alter hoping to be altered.  If it is healing we seek, we want the matter settled, healed.  If it is love that we seek, we want the matter settled, to be in the love we so desire.  All of the prayers we offer are for resolution.  Of course the resolution we seek is the one most in our favor, the one that we perceive will quell the questioning, quench the thirst, tame the fluttering wings of confusion.  A mentor of mine told me God has three answers, ‘yes’ , ‘not yet’, and ‘ I have something better’.  When I bring my broken pieces to the alter I wait to hear Him say, “yes, I will mend your pieces” , or  “not yet, Tyler, this brokenness is more valuable to you than you know, the fragments are necessary for the moment”, or “leave your pieces here, I have something better.”

This morning I read some writings from my journal….. “no one is leaving.  No one is gone.  The road forked and we took different paths.”  And so it is.  Melissa tells me, there is not such thing as closure, no ending.  She is right.  There is only the resolution of acceptance that it is the way it is and that is exactly as it should be.  I am watching my life rapidly change.  Shifts are occurring.  The past is further away from me these days.  I have ceased fighting the urge to wrap up endings with a bow or crown beginnings with extravagant promise.  My heart is at peace knowing that nothing ends and nothing begins.  Though my mind can only perceive life within the structure of time, the energy of love I have poured into the world, into others, never ends, nor does it begin.  It always was.  For a season I stepped into it, and for another season I stepped out.

I once talked to a little girl whose parents were divorced.  She wanted the reassurance that they loved her.  She felt that assurance would come if they were together.   I know the feeling well, I too am a girl whose parents divorced.  When the unity that made you is fractured it feels like you too are fractured.  That is not the case.  What I told her that day I said in little girl words, but the essence was this:  Your mommy and daddy made you in a big ball of love.  That love has never gone away.    You are still in that love.  I can just imagine this big pink ball floating through the sky, full of love.  One day my mom and dad stepped into that giant ball and one day they stepped out, but I am still in the love they shared that made me.  That can never be fractured.

And so it is with all love.  Friendships, lovers, mothers, fathers, sisters, brothers, teachers, mentors, all of those with whom we share love in any form, that love never dies, it is never fractured.  It is intact.  That part of us in tact.  The love that made me is forever.  The love I’ve made is forever.  Love never dies.  Love always wins.  Love is!   Rest in that.  If you are coming to a fork in your road, know that heaven is with you, gathering all of the good, all of the love, all of the hope created along the path you have been on.  You are simply changing roads.  Nothing is lost.  Nothing is missing.  Nothing is broken.

Your parents may be divorced, but you are not from divorce, you are from love.  You may be divorced, but you are not divorce, you are love.  You may be breaking up with someone, or someone may have broken up with you, but you are not broken.  You may be at what feels like the end, but you are not ending.  You may be at what feels like the beginning, but in fact it has always been, just waiting on you to arrive.

Love made you.  Love saves you.  Nothing about you is unloved!


—Tyler Hayes

—sending you love wherever you are in the world.


2 Responses to “the love that made me”

  1. paula dykes Says:


  2. Bev Rogers Says:

    Loving your take on life – huge for me is that you were 33 when you started this part of your journey. I have seen over and over again what a pivotal life-changing year that is for people. It was for me. You hear so much about mid-life crisis, but I am making a case for quarter-life evaluation, examination and transformation. Keep up the good work.

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